The Freedom Found in Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of those words that makes people pause. It carries weight. It stirs resistance. For many of us, forgiveness has been framed as something simple: a few words exchanged after hurt. “I’m sorry.” “It’s okay.” “I forgive you.”

But in truth, forgiveness is not about the words. It’s not about forgetting or excusing. It’s about freedom. It’s about peace.

In this week’s episode of Nitty Gritty to Balance, Abegail and Staci explore forgiveness as a sacred act of self-care and self-liberation. It’s not a demand for reconciliation or a denial of pain, it's the process of reclaiming the energy that belongs to you.

Forgiveness Isn’t Forgetting One of the first misconceptions Staci addresses is that forgiveness means pretending something didn’t hurt or didn’t happen. “Forgiveness is not forgive and forget,” she explains. “It’s about freeing yourself. It’s about not carrying that weight anymore.”

When we say the words it’s fine, don’t worry about it, but still feel the tension buried inside, our nervous system remembers. The body holds on to what the mind tries to ignore. True forgiveness, then, requires acknowledgment. It asks us to feel the fullness of what happened, the anger, the disappointment, the grief before we can begin to let it move through us.

Staci adds that this process is not just about others. “We often think forgiveness is about someone who wronged us,” she says, “but real healing begins when we learn to forgive ourselves.”

That shift in perspective, turning inward creates a ripple effect. The more compassion we can offer ourselves, the more naturally it extends outward to others.

The Process of Letting Go

Forgiveness, as Staci describes it, isn’t a single act it’s a process. “This may be something you’ve carried for decades,” she says. “It’s multi-layered. It involves healing, growth and mindfulness.”

The journey of forgiveness unfolds in steps, each one opening the heart a little wider, to move you into the next.

Step One: Awareness

Everything begins with awareness. You can’t release what you refuse to see. The first step is to identify what you’ve been holding onto; an event, a relationship, a memory, an unspoken word.

Bring attention to the story you’ve built around it. Sometimes, we create entire narratives about what happened or what it meant about us. And often, those stories grow far beyond the truth. “If it wasn’t something that was discussed,” Staci says, “we can run with it, turning it into something much bigger than it ever was.”

Awareness invites curiosity: Is this story still serving me? Is it even accurate?

Step Two: Compassion

Once awareness opens the door, compassion has space to come in. This is the hardest step for most of us especially when the pain runs deep. But compassion doesn’t excuse anyone’s behavior; it simply recognizes humanity in both directions.

“This is where transformation happens,” Staci explains. “It bridges pain to peace.”

When we can see ourselves and others as human, flawed, learning, imperfect we start to soften. Abegail reflects on a lighthearted online trend where people post photos of themselves as children to evoke self-compassion. “It’s funny, but also powerful,” she says. “When you picture yourself or someone else as that little kid, it’s easier to find empathy.”

Forgiveness asks us to look at who we were back then, what we knew, and what we didn’t. It invites us to be gentle with our past selves.

Step Three: Freedom

Compassion leads to freedom the moment when the weight begins to lift. It’s when the heart unclenches and the body exhales what it has been holding onto.

“You start to feel light again,” Staci says. “It’s emotional liberation.”

Freedom isn’t forgetting; it’s remembering differently. It’s looking back and realizing that what once felt like an anchor is now a lesson. It’s a return to wholeness.

Step Four: Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean approval, it means recognition. It’s the point at which we can look at what happened without flinching.

“It’s not rewriting the story,” Staci explains. “It’s seeing it for what it was, an experience.”

Abegail adds that true acceptance can’t come without the steps that precede it. “You can’t authentically accept something without first releasing, feeling, and softening,” she says. “But once you do, you see your story from a 360 view. You understand it in its fullness.”

Step Five: Integration

The final stage is integration, the return of lost parts of ourselves. “It’s like a piece of you has been hanging out to the side,” Abegail describes. “And once you’ve gone through the process, that piece clicks back into place.”

Integration doesn’t erase what happened. Instead, it weaves the experience into your being, as something that shaped you rather than defined you. It becomes wisdom. It becomes strength.

“What did I learn from this?” Staci asks. “Maybe it was courage, boundaries, or compassion. Whatever it is, it builds your character. It did something powerful for you.”

The Science of Forgiveness

Beyond the spiritual and emotional benefits, forgiveness also profoundly affects the body. Staci references a Johns Hopkins Medicine article titled Forgiveness: Your Health Depends on It, which outlines how forgiveness can have big impacts on the physical body by potentially lowering cortisol levels, regulating blood pressure, and calming the nervous system.

In other words, forgiveness literally brings your body back into balance. Just like gratitude, it shifts you from survival mode into peace.

Practicing Forgiveness

Abegail and Staci close the episode with a practical exercise: Releasing through compassionate reframing.

This practice isn’t about excusing behavior, it's about reclaiming your power to respond with compassion instead of bitterness. When we reframe our experiences through the lens of empathy and self-understanding, we loosen the grip that pain has on us.

They also suggest incorporating body-based release. Moving the forgiveness from thoughts or words to a physical action. This can be helpful with breathwork, movement, or simply placing your hand over your heart and naming what you’re ready to let go of.

Finally, they return to gratitude, the natural companion of forgiveness. “Ask yourself, ‘What did I learn from this?’” Staci says. “How can I be thankful for it now?”

Because forgiveness isn’t a single act, it’s a cycle. Awareness brings compassion. Compassion creates freedom. Freedom allows acceptance. Acceptance births integration. And gratitude closes the loop.

In the end, forgiveness isn’t something we give away to others, it's something we return to ourselves.

It’s the moment we say, I am no longer bound by what hurt me. I am free.

If this exploration of forgiveness spoke to you, we go even deeper in the full episode of Nitty Gritty to Balance. Join us as we unpack the emotions, energy, and healing behind true release and learn practical ways to bring compassion back into your life.

Tune in now The Nitty Gritty to Balance – EP: 22 Why Forgiveness Feels Like Freedom and continue your journey toward inner freedom.